‘The brain doesn’t determine what we do, it determines what we feel’. Geoffrey Schwartz.
Every month, the inspiring group of Word Carnival bloggers put their hearts into a topic designed to make you think, learn something or bust some myths. You will always find some gold, so I invite you to have a fossick.
The light fandango
You become aware you’re hungry. Cells in your brain activate dopamine, a chemical responsible for motivation and desire. You desire sushi. Your brain and your mind start the light fandango, a dance of interconnected steps to act on this desire.
You check the time, compute the validity of spending 20 minutes to buy it and factor in the cost. If you feel it’s okay, then you find your wallet and keys and drive to the local sushi shop. You may decide as you’re out to do a few chores. All of this activity predicated on feeling hungry.
Now imagine, just before you’re about to leave, a client calls and unreasonably expresses their indignation or frustration or displeasure, or all three, that their expectations have been disappointed.
Depending on what hangs on their pleasure, your brain will generate a different set of feelings. You might feel irritation, distress, panic even fear. Now what you want is resolution.
The jiggle
The dance becomes a tortured jiggle as you juggle the client’s expressed perception with the reality of events as they happened.
Thoughts of sushi go out the window, along with hunger.
Maybe some time later, your hunger reasserts itself and you throw something hastily down your throat, mildly fed up that you’re having to interrupt the explanatory email you were in the middle of, with something so pedestrian as hunger.
In a short time, you’ve run the full gamut of emotions. You’ve taken a complex range of steps to navigate and then ameliorate them.
Our brains dance a waltz fantastic with our minds every waking second of the day.
The question is whose leading this dance. Your brain or your mind. You or others.
In this scenario, the brain and the feelings it generated dominated. So it’s the client who is firmly in the lead. You’re just an accessory in fulfilling whatever their perception of reality is as they whirl you around the room.
The dizzy dance
Here’s the question. Should we wrestle the lead back or should we not be in this dizzy dance in the first place?
Eating sushi when you want it is a whole lot more desirable than a reactive process desperate to eliminate unreasoned expectations.
I have had some experience of this over 36 years of client servicing. Mostly free of it, the fandango, the ballroom in hell, still stirs a reaction.
It’s not the client toward whom the ire is directed now, but my brain.
The whirling dervish
That collection of neurones that can be so easily stimulated to mimic a posse of whirling dervishes.
The effect is unpleasant. From mild irritation to a small catastrophic reaction, like lighting the fuse on a bundle of dynamite, to the more spectacular atomic melt down, none of it is productive.
It always prompts the immediate abandonment of anything else like a visit to the sushi shop.
Constantly exposed to a set of stimuli, we become over sensitised if we’ve not yet learned to take mindful action.
It’s like a couple together for years. The partner needs only start the sentence, draw breath even, to win the anticipated response.
This is all the work of our brain, but not apparently of our mind.
An ingénue when it comes to understanding how our brain works, I’ve recently been introduced to the concept of mindfulness. The interception as I understand it between the act of feeling–the brain, and the act of doing, or responding–the mind.
I’m in love with the concept though. The notion that with practise we could feel, stop, consider and then decide what the appropriate response should be in any given situation, anytime. That’s awesome.
Imagine. En route to sushi shop. Frustrated client calls. Stop, consider, decide, act. Proceed to sushi shop. Resolve client issue calmly later.
Or what about this? Same scenario, but with an addendum. Resolve client issue. Consider, was this expressed frustration fair, necessary or warranted. Is it a repeat offence. Decide. No. Call client, politely explain that you would like to introduce them to another provider better suited.
Or better. Stop. Consider. Should you be working for people ever again who don’t value what you do or respect it enough to be courteous? Clearly not. Implement the necessary and logical steps to ensure that.
The happy dance
This is how:
- Invest in the work of clarity. What’s your single driving intention? Why do you do what you do for whom?
- Assess your offering. Choose the one (and only one) that resolves the problems of the people you most want to work with who will best benefit from what you want to offer.
- Package up the value. How much does someone have to gain by enjoying the benefits of working with you?
- Unearth the stories that support your intention and blog about them
- Serve these good people so well you eliminate their pain. They’ll love you for it. Blog about that.
- Be clear about how you work for what purpose and for what remuneration. Blog about that too.
- Get mindfully fit. I am a laggard still, but keen to practise – to become as graceful in my mindful practise as a prima ballerina.
If you are experiencing the fog. The place where neither brain nor mind seems to be in control and both are occupied by whirling dervishes, Roger and I now facilitate a process called Clear the Fog. It’s fun and it works.
If you have experience of mindful practise in the way you conduct business? Please share it, we’d love to hear from you.
Love the idea of taking a more considered approach to business and life, Sandy, and I like your list of tips, too. Good stuff!
Sharon Hurley Hall recently posted…A 10-Day LinkedIn Experiment [Case Study]
Thank you Sharon, I hope they might be useful. Considered is right. So the time for it now it would seem for many others beyond me.
SandyMc recently posted…The dance in our brain
Mindfulness. What a concept, eh? We just need to slow down enough to practice it. Clearing the Fog sounds interesting. Have you written about this process yet?
Tea Silvestre recently posted…A Business Paradox: Slow Down to Speed Up
I think mindfulness is intrinsically linked to slow, Tea. Don’t you agree that you cannot do things at speed and practise stopping. Intercepting. Considering. Are you studied in it?
Yes we have. Just written all about it on Roger’s website. http://www.rebuzzcreative.com
But I will be blogging about it a lot too. It is also forming the basis of much of my new talks.
SandyMc recently posted…The dance in our brain
Love this topic, Sandy! (And now I’m hungry) 😉
Isn’t it uncanny how one call from a client can, instantly, upset the apple cart? Let’s not give clients that much power over us. It’s not good for the soul … or the anticipated trip for sushi.
I couldn’t help but think of my oldest daughter as I moved down the page. Sadly, she’s been a sufferer of anxiety attacks since she was quite young. Recently she was introduced to “mindfulness training” and I can already detect some positive changes. We reside hundreds of miles apart but I can hear the difference over the phone. No doubt about it, it works!
Your references to various dances are delightful. The one I want to find myself doing most often is the “Happy dance”. 😉
Melanie Kissell recently posted…I Offer Two Prices: Retail and Free
Very poor for the spirit indeed Mel.
That is so interesting that mindfulness training is working to some extent for your daughter. That is wonderful.
I took my other daughter, now very pregnant, to a mindful seminar for mums to be. The theory now is that when a women is pregnant and anxious, angry or depressed, the cortisol it produces passes through the placenta. According to the medical experts speaking, they are now correlating childhood obesity to the levels of cortisol the foetus may have been exposed to. That is an alarming thought.
It made me think about the unnecessary surges of cortisol I’ve been exposed to over time, and how sushi, chocolate, coffee and a large glass of wine are often an antidote (sometimes altogether!) They produce endorphins apparently. I should not blame others for my indulgences. But you know when I am not being mindful, I am inclined to!
SandyMc recently posted…The dance in our brain
My brain and my mind are already warring over who wants to comment on this first! I went through a period where I read everything I could about mindfulness, specifically as Buddhist practice. And I really fell in love with the whole idea. There is some comfort in knowing we can’t change the world – but we can change our reaction to it. Annoying clients, irritating circumstances, all those things can be wiped out right from within your own head.
I wish I was better at it! I’ve been better and worse at times and boy, during the “better at it” times, life is so much simpler and smoother.
By the way, I’ve had plenty of experience working on detaching from unappreciative, over-demanding and unpleasant people. These are things they don’t teach you in school but they certainly mean more in life than algebra ever did!
Carol Lynn recently posted…Why The Starbucks “Race Together” Campaign Failed To Fail
Carol Lynn, I was sure you would have had similar experiences. I like the word detaching. It works nicely.
We used to say about a lot of stuff that went down, you can can’t change their behaviour you can only change your own. Which I suppose might come down to a similar thing, but there was just something about the mind and brain operating independently of one another that has started to change my behaviour. I too wish I was way better at it than the clodhopper at present. Working on my pointes!
Yes, the school curriculum is way overdue for an overhaul.
SandyMc recently posted…The dance in our brain
Ah yes, the whirling dervish of emotions when you’re blindsided by a call or email from an unhappy client.
It doesn’t happen often, but when it does it can be really hard to see the big picture.
You’re suddenly either: a) trying to make this person happy again, b) feeling angry/taken advantage of and drafting up yet another “boundaries” email, or c) firing them entirely.
Mindfulness definitely helps, but I’ll be the first to admit that it takes tons of practice to be able to stop in the moment and say, “you’re now, this sucks and you’re here, but you can solve this.” Sometimes those little pep talks work wonders, though, and this post is a great reminder of that!
Molly McCowan recently posted…How to Hire an Editor, Not an “Editor”
Practice, that’s the key. Just being aware that it is a good thing to do is a start. Glad I am not the only one who experiences the whirling dervishes! Thanks Molly.
SandyMc recently posted…The dance in our brain
Exquisite is the word that comes to mind, one I rarely feel justified in using. Your explanation, choice of words, and digging down to the core issue. Until recently I gave lip service to mindfulness, saying no, and only working with those who respected my contribution and value. Then I realized a volunteer position I was in, one that sucked up huge amounts of time, went against all of it. When I finally realized it and made the decision to step away I was amazed at the ripple effect on my life. The only words I’ll add to this beautiful post, scrupulously applied self-awareness and honesty must lead the process.
Nicole Fende recently posted…I’ll Make It Up in Volume (And Other Myths That Torpedo Your Biz Profit)
Nicole, what a wonderful comment. Thank you! Stepping away is sometimes extremely courageous, but as you have demonstrated the rewards can be great.
SandyMc recently posted…Five compelling reasons to get clear