Ever had the truism, “it’s not what you know, it’s who you know?” trotted out by well meaning business advisors? Maybe it’s old fashioned as a sentiment now, but there remains more than a morsel of truth in it.
As I remember, it was usually said with a dose of cynicism, referencing another business constant of it’s time, “the old school tie network’.
The inference then was that you were unlikely to gain entry to whatever business you might be interested in, no matter how good you were at what you did, unless you were male and wore a tie that branded you part of a particular tribe. Or played golf and went in for long, liquid lunches.
Things have moved on, or have they? Maybe not in the world of big business. We are however in the midst of an explosion of entrepreneurship and nimble, nano businesses and we do things differently.
At a recent ‘deep’ dinner hosted by Carolyn Tate on matters Conscious Marketing, we discussed the language of business and what we would like to change in the interest of promoting meaningful business conversation. One such change was referrals to connections.
Referrals, reciprocity or connections
If reciprocity signalled a seismic shift in business referrals, then I believe there’s been an after shock since that is moving entrepreneurs even beyond the ‘give and you’ll get back’ school of business referral.
Reciprocity after all still smacks a little too much of scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours, which is not so different to the old school tie network except you didn’t have to go to an elite school to play in that field.
Once you think connection rather than referral or reciprocity, the whole business of finding new business changes. This is where a paradigm shift occurs.
Vital nutrients, flexibility and resilience
Real connection is based on a relationship, a link, a bond. It’s not hardwired to business in the same way referrals are. It has much more to do with connecting to people who also happen to be business owners. Much more to do with human interaction, much more to do with wanting to be of service.
Here’s a question for you. If you weren’t in business, would you bother to refer anyone at all to anyone? I’d put forward the idea that to be engaged in a spirit of connection it means you’d connect people regardless of whether you were in business or you’d get a reciprocal benefit, otherwise you haven’t yet grasped the concept of connection.
High quality connections are life-giving . . . like a healthy blood vessel that connects parts of our body. A high quality connection between two people allows the transfer of vital nutrientsand is flexible and resilient. (The Power of High Quality Connections, Jane E. Dutton and Emily D. Heaphy)
There’s a new frame through which to perceive the power of connections – transfer of vital nutrients, flexible and resilient. So how does a referral stack up to that? What does that really mean in terms of you developing new business through a referral network.
Once you reframe referrals as connections, you create a different momentum. You find your self listening deeply to people and becoming excited the moment you realise they’re a perfect fit for someone else you know.
Business matchmaking
Writing an introduction email is a pleasure. You have to aptly capture what the person you have met does, the reason there is such a good match and explain what the other person does.
You need to do this in a way that allows both parties to instantly get that a connection between them could be mutually nourishing.
It’s immensely satisfying when such an introduction results in successful business between the two parties. Even hearing that they had a great coffee together is a good feeling.
Recently, I introduced an artist to an interior designer. They met for lunch, went to a gallery together and want to meet socially with their partners. Is it likely to eventuate in business for both? Possibly, but in different ways. The artist brings a certain cache to the interior designer’s clients, the interior designer may well be the conduit for a commission or more. Apart from anything, they just liked each other.
WIFM?
Well, if you mean would I grow my bottom line as a result of this and dozens of other introductions I have made this year? Not exactly. But like the matchmakers of old, I’m perceived as a trusted person in my business community and people are grateful for such attention to their business. What is evident though, is a subtle shift in the relationship I have with business colleagues.
Changing your business DNA
I’ve given myself permission to really care about my colleagues and how they succeed. I look out for stuff I can do to help them. It has just become part of my DNA, if you like. I no longer worry about the time involved or the return on investment. My phone rings more, my email inbox is fuller, more people comment on my book, connect with me, ask to meet with me. Can I honestly track this back to being a matchmaker? Absolutely. It’s a momentum thing.
If I review how I met my current clients, every one is as a result of connecting with either the client or someone who knew them on a meaningful level. Sharing something with them, introducing them to someone else, sending them a blog post of interest, sending them my book, talking about what they do with genuine interest to others, being a collaborator in their success.
It’s a great way to do business. And perhaps it really is as our older mentors once advised us, with just a small twist. “It’s not what you know, its about who you take the time to get to know.
This post has been part of our awesome World Carnival monthly event. This month the topic is: “The Ins and Outs, Ups and Downs of Business Referrals.
Wonderful article Sandy…connecting goes way beyond the ‘I’ll scratch your back, you scratch mine’. It’s about serving others. I had a conversation with a client on Monday who is seriously on the business development/sales trail…I advised that if they want others to connect them to potential clients or a potential client to meet with them, that they should give away one connection or referral to another person in need.
Oh I like that idea a great deal Carolyn. It really ups the ante. We really do live in a different business world and how lucky are we that we live at a time when you could even articulate such a suggestion. Just a few years ago, you would even have been given the air to use the word connection.
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
Great reminders, Sandy. One of the best books I ever read was Michael Port’s “Book Yourself Solid.” And one of his key things to do was to find ways to connect OTHER people on a regular basis. Taking the emphasis off of WIFM and putting ourselves into that head space of how can I be of service is a beautiful road to follow.
Tea Silvestre recently posted…How to Get 5-Star Referrals From Your Peers and Colleagues
Thanks Tea, you have reminded me of much of what Michael Port had to say and it was of great value. Another visionary is Roy Spence who said we should pay to our greatest strengths to serve the greater good, or words to that effect and I think connecting on this level fulfils that aspiration.
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
All-around “feel good” post, Sandy!
“Once you reframe referrals as connections, you create a different momentum. You find your self listening deeply to people and becoming excited the moment you realise they’re a perfect fit for someone else you know. ” Ooh! I’ve had the joy of experiencing this exciting feeling many, many times. I LOVE TO CONNECT PEOPLE. And guess what? I do it all the time, full well knowing, there’s absolutely nothing in it for me — except the undeniable pleasure of bringing kindred spirits and possible collaborators together. The reward is in what these kinds of connections do for my soul. And it’s immeasurable. 🙂
Thank goodness I don’t have to put on a “tie” to brand myself as part of a particular tribe. LOL!!
Melanie Kissell recently posted…The Cost of Unfriendly Referrals
I love that you describe these kind of connections as a reward for your soul and immeasurable. And reading your blog, I know you would do it so well and with so much heart Mel. No tie and no golf!
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
As usual, you hit the nail on the head here when it comes to giving referrals. Somehow it always comes down to the deeper connections! If we just live as a matter of “tit for tat” whether good or bad, we will never understand the true value of a relationship. You have to be willing to give – even if you don’t receive. It’s really about a mindset more than a business tactic. You need to be in “helping mode” and that means without expectation of return. I like that world much better!
Carol Lynn recently posted…Referrals Make Better Prospects. Here’s How To Get Them.
Hi Carol Lynn, so do I – like that world better. I’ve been reading Brene Brown’s book, Daring Greatly. She talks a lot about the condition of scarcity and it occurs to me that you cannot make deep connections if you’re living in a place of scarcity because you are too driven by the need for more work, more money, more recognition. You’re so right, it is a mindset shift.
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
Oh that’s a wonderful way to do business, Sandy. I’ve been lucky enough to have very cooperative relationships with my fellow writers and like you, I don’t mind being helpful, even if there’s no WIIFM. I operate a kind of ‘pay it forward’ philosophy – it’s a happy way to do business. Of course, that doesn’t mean I don’t take steps to encourage referrals from past clients but the two systems work well together.
Sharon Hurley Hall recently posted…Blogging Update – Q2 2013
Thanks Sharon. What you have identified is to be aware of the different ways in which we can seek business through our happy clients as Nicole suggests too. If your clients are truly happy by what you do for them, they are your community and as such they actually want to advocate for you. Pay it forward is a great philosophy, works so well in forums and the like and always comes back in spades.
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
Since I was a kid I loved connecting people I knew. As I listen to someone talking my brain goes into overdrive – “Oh that’s similar to what so & so does” or “Hey so & so loves space opera sci-fi too”. Perhaps it’s because I’m a raging extrovert, not sure. However I love to make that connection for people. To me the payoff was happy friends / colleagues. As I grew in my career I saw the benefits you describe, although they were never the primary driver I can absolutely appreciate them. Just the other day I connected two amazing ladies in my area with very unique backgrounds – an patent attorney with a PhD in Engineering and an accomplished entrepreneur with an amazing new disaster recovery technology.
I love to see what happens when unexpected synergies combine!
Nicole Fende recently posted…Need More Profit? Unleash Your Happy Clients!
Nicole, I would love to hear what comes of the synergy between the patent attorney and the disaster recovery entrepreneur. You know I don’t think it depends on being an extrovert. My husband Roger is an introvert and a great connector. What you describe is this extra dimension to connection. which creates a buzz between the synapses and changes lives – something you’ve obviously being doing with energy all your life!
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?
To get referred, you must refer? I like it. “I made being helpful part of my business DNA”.
Someone commented on my post this month that they had this odd feeling of being obliged to folks who shared or commented her posts; it’s not super unlikely that at least one person who latches on to your advice will be less than reputable, so what then?
I stand by the old adage of “innocent until proven guilty”. Which has gotten me in trouble a few times, but ultimately I have salvaged more relationships than I’ve lost.
There’s a whole concept of weak ties – folks who you know just enough to refer ’em. The more weak ties you have, the better your access to and understanding of various industries. Weak ties are what LinkedIn is all about. There’s no reason to keep your network purposefully small anymore given that you’re OK with not being able to give a super-powerful referral to the folks that are in your “weak ties” network.
Anyway, super-strong post Sandy!
Nick Armstrong recently posted…Want Referrals? Get People To Hate You First.
That is an insight Nick, that weak ties are what Linkedin is all about. I think your weak ties and my clusters live in the same neighbourhood although I get that they could be both an access and an understanding of various industries.
Perhaps this is the point which I didn’t make in the article, it depends on whether you need mass marketing to do your business – ie product to consumer, or a more intimate approach because you really only need 12 or so great clients a year. If it is the latter, then I reckon forging strong connections between people is a way by which the ‘why’, plus the methodology, ethics and outcomes of what you do are more likely to become known by those you most want to work with than by the equivalents of standing on your soap box. IMHO.
I should add I am mindful of who I introduce to whom and equally mindful that it is not just me spruiking my wares by another name.
SandyMc recently posted…Are you a matchmaker?